Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Dull Grey January

It's about time I did a general update about how I am which, to put it bluntly, is a bit of a curate's egg!

Having got through the New Year's chest infection my body has stubbornly decided to not let me be well. It has also decided that I won't be ill! The result is I spend all the time being very tired and at the first sign of exertion the glands in my neck swell up; a sure sign of problems ever since I had glandular fever when I was 20. If it wasn't for the glands I would have blamed the fluoxetine for the tiredness but as it is I have to just keep going. This has made it harder for me to adjust to life in retirement as it is almost impossible for me to plan ahead at the moment. The only progress on this front has been that Friday has become 'Clean The House Day' - my one bit of routine.

Given the above I should, by all rights, be down in the dumps but I'm not. On both the spiritual and mental planes I am quietly content. This for me (Mr Pessimistic Worry Guts) is a completely new experience; being calm and contented isn't my style. That this should happen at a time when I am financially squeezed (too put it mildly) is even more remarkable. Now I know this may, to a certain extent, be down to the fluoxetine but it actually feels a lot deeper. I think God has (finally) got me to a place where I trust Him to look after me instead of trying to be bloody minded and independent. I know life can't continue like this for ever but, somehow, I know I'm in the right place at the moment just resting on God.

So for now life is being taken at a gentle pace, feeling rough and very good at the same time.


serena said...


Helen said...

I love your Friday routine - thanks!
Also the new, calm and content you :)