Do Not Be Afraid

I was reading another blog ( http://sallysjourney.typepad.com/sallys_journey/ - well worth a visit) and the words "Do not be Afraid" jumped out at me and almost immediately gave me the form for this poem.  However it wasn't complete as I couldn't work out where the poem was going and how to get it to a conclusion.  Slowly the words sank in and I knew it was taking me to areas I'd rather avoid.

DO NOT BE AFRAID

“Do not be afraid” said the Lord

To the traveller with no land

“Do not be afraid” said the Lord

To the young mother

Cast out for having her owner's son

“Do not be afraid” said the Lord

To the young man

Threshing wheat in a winepress

So the enemies wouldn’t see him

“Do not be afraid” said the Lord

To the prophet invited to meet the despot

“Do not be afraid” said the angel in all her glory

To the startled young woman

“Do not be afraid” said the angel

In the dream of the young man

Puzzling over his beloved’s betrayal

“Do not be afraid” said the angel

To the startled shepherds on the hillside

“Do not be afraid, little flock,” said Jesus,

“for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom”

“Do not be afraid” said the angel

To the women whose love drove them to the tomb of their Lord

“Do not be afraid” said Jesus

To the women puzzled by the angel’s news

“Do not be afraid” said the Lamb in all His glory

To the disciple exiled for his faith

“Do not be afraid”

But I am

Afraid to let go

The things of this world

Afraid to let go

And trust only you

Afraid

Because my faith is weak

Lord, I believe;

Help thou mine unbelief.

Dull Grey January

It's about time I did a general update about how I am which, to put it bluntly, is a bit of a curate's egg!

Having got through the New Year's chest infection my body has stubbornly decided to not let me be well. It has also decided that I won't be ill! The result is I spend all the time being very tired and at the first sign of exertion the glands in my neck swell up; a sure sign of problems ever since I had glandular fever when I was 20. If it wasn't for the glands I would have blamed the fluoxetine for the tiredness but as it is I have to just keep going. This has made it harder for me to adjust to life in retirement as it is almost impossible for me to plan ahead at the moment. The only progress on this front has been that Friday has become 'Clean The House Day' - my one bit of routine.

Given the above I should, by all rights, be down in the dumps but I'm not. On both the spiritual and mental planes I am quietly content. This for me (Mr Pessimistic Worry Guts) is a completely new experience; being calm and contented isn't my style. That this should happen at a time when I am financially squeezed (too put it mildly) is even more remarkable. Now I know this may, to a certain extent, be down to the fluoxetine but it actually feels a lot deeper. I think God has (finally) got me to a place where I trust Him to look after me instead of trying to be bloody minded and independent. I know life can't continue like this for ever but, somehow, I know I'm in the right place at the moment just resting on God.

So for now life is being taken at a gentle pace, feeling rough and very good at the same time.

Faith

'There are no facts, only interpretations, and this is an interpretation.' Freidrich Nietzsche

I read this on the tram on the way to work (no - I wasn't reading Nietzsche but this was quoted in a book) and immediately thought about how it lined up with what I think Christianity is all about.

At the centre of Christianity is mystery and not certainty. We have the mystery of the virgin birth, the mystery of the resurrection and, centrally, the mystery of the Trinity; plus, I'm sure, a few more mysteries. If we had certainties we would have no need for faith for we would be compelled to believe but that would deny Love, as Love is never based on compulsion.

We may say we are sure of things, our salvation, the resurrection, etc, but what really mean is that our interpretation is that these are facts and that we are prepared to put our faith in them. In doing so we open ourselves up to the biggest mystery of all, that God loves each and every one of us.

Stress Time

On Friday I was stressed - and I mean STRESSED. The reason was simple, yet another meeting at work to discuss my sick record. Now I know, given the amount I've been ill, they have to have these meetings but the the last couple had turned a bit confrontational due to the attitude of one of the senior managers and there is always the possibility that this may be the start of a process leading to redundancy / medical retirement.

So, from about Wednesday on, I was getting stressed about any number of things that could happen at the meeting. I prayed about it; praying that God would be with me and that He would calm me down. I remained stressed.

So when the day arrived what happened - a small meeting with no senior managers in which I received good support from both my immediate manager and the lady from HR.

Did God answer my prayers? Of course - He was always with me but I remained stressed. Is that a failing on my part? Possibly. I could have trusted God more but I knew he was with me even when I was stressed. Alongside me, not judging, just there with me.

Star Struck

Last night I saw a shooting star - only the second or third I've ever seen. Living in London it is hard to see the stars due to the glow of streetlights, security lights and illuminated buildings so I didn't see it in all its glory.

I have often wondered if not being able to see the stars is behind the drift away from faith in the UK. People don't look up at the glory of heaven and wonder; instead they look down and into themselves.